I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
