i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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