I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
