Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
