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fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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