now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
