It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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