??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
