yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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