btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
