3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
