Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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