I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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