Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
