I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
