dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
