i jhust puked up my retainher.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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