My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
