Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina just clenched in fear
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
