but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
