she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
