I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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