what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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