He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
