We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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