This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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