just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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