It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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