So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
