It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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