It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
