I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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