I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize