I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
