mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
