Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
