it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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