i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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