So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
