I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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