eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
