She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
