I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
