im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
