It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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