I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
