I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost the right to judge tonight
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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