i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
