I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
