and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
