When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
