I CAN MOONWALK!
he thought i was a dude.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
