he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
