Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
