I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
