No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
