she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
