So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
