Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
