Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
