dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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