you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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