He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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